Chicks dig my white playa ass so much that even old mother hens follow me around like flies on shit. They just know a fly man when they see one. I got this one chickie in particular, a bitch from the east coast. I haven't actually read flygirl's shit because the pics make my ADHD got into overdrive. But this older Satan worshipping slut obviously likes young flyboys such as myself. I bet she'd be all over K-fed like a fly on his shit. I know she wants to suck my d, I'm just confident of it.
From what my homies tell me, she's a wannabee poseur goody goody. Trust me, she's itchin' to break up those legs and spread 'em for yours truly. Why else would an old hag who flashes the goodies but covers her face, hang on a site for twenty somethings? If she can't jump on this dick she'd jump on it all just to get to this dick. Like I said, holmeses, why else would she spend her off time chillin' with my homies and sluts? Don't she got friends her age? asked some of my homies. Nah, it's all right, I says, it's cool, bros, she needs to mother hen-pecker somebody. She must not got no boys to raise, just slut juniors. Yo, bros! I got a grand idea. You think she'd let me jump on her and her daughter? Shiiit, I'd wait 'til the kid turned sixteen. Shiiit, I ain't against tappin' it as long as it's above ten. You know what they say, if it's old enough to pee....shiiiit, R Kelly can get some of that young stuff, why can't I? I be better and more chillin than R, yo bros, high five and hollah this way.
Reminds me of when I almost got nabbed by that pedophile punisher on tv, what the fuck is his name...yeah, yeah, you would seen my ass on tv gettin' rung through the slung by those freaky deaks with cameras, and I be forever memorialized in celluloid where my homies can canonize me forever. So I wanted to some ass, so fucking what. I ain't above getting some young tail. No big deal. These stupid parents make it a big deal, you know those girls want it. They can be Barbie, I'll be Ken, shiiiit, if they ain't ready to go all the way, I ain't against some oral.
Mother Hen, I like that. I'm waitin' for Ho-me mama to come down and give me a slice. Bitch can come on up in that used up snatch and ride my tool all night long. I might even buy her a snack. I'd sprinkle her face with my jizz and drizzle on her tongue like icing. Old hags know how to suck dick. Shiiit, if she's haggard I just bend her white ass over and do it from behind. Maybe she'll let me call her Steve without asking me a million fuckin' questions 'bout it. Even better, maybe she'll be deaf and blind, she's already dumb.
All right! Do you think she'll take my beer dollahs? Shiiit, maybe I won't have to dissolve some DCB special magic in her drink! Talk about no respect, I never even linked this corn hoe pussy on my other site. Duh, you think she'd get the hint that she ain't shit 'til she opens her mouth wide and says, Ahhh, let me swallow it all my white master. Gotta wax sympathetic and give a bored public servant some action.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Drier than Rioja
I went to Spain this summer. I meant to go to Holland again but last time I ended up at some gay motel. I almost got kicked out because I kept bringing scissors in the public shower and cutting the string on some dude's soap on a rope. Hey, I just wanted him to bend over so I could see the view of his balls from the back end. It's hard to compare your own when you're looking from the front. I wasn't trying to be goosin' him or anything, shiiiit, who that guy think he be? Bringin' some mofo soap on a rope shit in a public shower?
Last time I saw some disgraceful chastity belt shit like that was in DC jail. Since I'm the DC Bachelor, I can tell you all about the DC jail, from the Silver Spring lock-up. Listen, it's all the same, homies. So there I was, pulled over and gettin' my ass in a sling for a DWI. I blew a .24 but I's got to question that thing Officer Robo put in his mouth. That shit squirted some fluid after I was done huffing and puffing. Last time that happened was when I stuck a pen in my mouth and tried to swallow the ink to get high in grade school. He told it was gonna purge my germs and wipe my tongue clean. Seems to me that I'm the only one who didn't get off. Yo tho, in fairness to me, my brain was cloudy and my heart was an achin'. You see, I got so drunk that night cuz my girlfriend dumped me for some fucking man.
How can you be datin' a man? I asked her. I was slinging back drinks at Cafe Citron. Aren't you content with a bad ass boy like me? I'm swifter than K-Fed and my rhymes are even more without reason.
She never gave me no real reason. She said she couldn't stand dating such a blog muffin and she needed to go find her own light. Plus she never understood why I'd bend her over once a month and call her Steve. She didn't buy my explanation of dating a girl named Steve. Oh well.
Instead, she left me for some older dude who drives a new VW, has a DOG, and a clean cut Marine 'do. Oh yeah, he was a Marine. Is a Marine. She said something about tiring of dating a man who was into seaman. WTF? Beotch thinks I was in the Navy. Stupid beotch.
She then be addin' the final diss-that I'm stingy with the dollahs. Bitch just be wantin' my money! When we went split the tab at McDonald's, she got pissed. Fuckin' A, she threw a fountain soda at me and wasted a dollah and some cents!
Shortly rights after, I went to Spain. I couldnt carry no date rape drugs on me, or what I like to call the DBC cocktail, cuz them damn security folks are all freaked up about sand brothas. So freaked that they stopped and made me follow them to some special room and stick a glove up my ass to double check for bombs. The only bomb they found was the air comin' out my ass. That shit tickles, you know what gives, a little finger finds some gold, a lotta finger lights my fire. Shit, why didn't he just commit? That shit is too legit to quit.
I go merrily along my way after that whole traumatic incident in the black room with black dudes and I meet these chickie-doos in Spain but some reason these babes ain't givin'. I almost smacked one for laughing when I asked her to meet for for chips and a blow job in my room. Well, she's gotta give somethin' if she even wants to be breathin' the same air as me, ya know?
These babes I met....so smokin' hot but damn if they ain't hard up. They all had these big studly Spaniards walkin' behind 'em like bodyguards. I couldn't get down their pants to taste those tapas if my life depending on it. I kept tellin' em I was Pierce Brosnan, usually works in Poland but they laughed at me in Spain. Guess that's why there ain't no "How do Spaniards make Kool Aid? They pour water in the packet" jokes.
So everynight was spent alone and jerking off, as usual. No cat to keep that other pillow warm. No pussy to hold in my arms, no cat breath in my face or near my loins.
Last time I saw some disgraceful chastity belt shit like that was in DC jail. Since I'm the DC Bachelor, I can tell you all about the DC jail, from the Silver Spring lock-up. Listen, it's all the same, homies. So there I was, pulled over and gettin' my ass in a sling for a DWI. I blew a .24 but I's got to question that thing Officer Robo put in his mouth. That shit squirted some fluid after I was done huffing and puffing. Last time that happened was when I stuck a pen in my mouth and tried to swallow the ink to get high in grade school. He told it was gonna purge my germs and wipe my tongue clean. Seems to me that I'm the only one who didn't get off. Yo tho, in fairness to me, my brain was cloudy and my heart was an achin'. You see, I got so drunk that night cuz my girlfriend dumped me for some fucking man.
How can you be datin' a man? I asked her. I was slinging back drinks at Cafe Citron. Aren't you content with a bad ass boy like me? I'm swifter than K-Fed and my rhymes are even more without reason.
She never gave me no real reason. She said she couldn't stand dating such a blog muffin and she needed to go find her own light. Plus she never understood why I'd bend her over once a month and call her Steve. She didn't buy my explanation of dating a girl named Steve. Oh well.
Instead, she left me for some older dude who drives a new VW, has a DOG, and a clean cut Marine 'do. Oh yeah, he was a Marine. Is a Marine. She said something about tiring of dating a man who was into seaman. WTF? Beotch thinks I was in the Navy. Stupid beotch.
She then be addin' the final diss-that I'm stingy with the dollahs. Bitch just be wantin' my money! When we went split the tab at McDonald's, she got pissed. Fuckin' A, she threw a fountain soda at me and wasted a dollah and some cents!
Shortly rights after, I went to Spain. I couldnt carry no date rape drugs on me, or what I like to call the DBC cocktail, cuz them damn security folks are all freaked up about sand brothas. So freaked that they stopped and made me follow them to some special room and stick a glove up my ass to double check for bombs. The only bomb they found was the air comin' out my ass. That shit tickles, you know what gives, a little finger finds some gold, a lotta finger lights my fire. Shit, why didn't he just commit? That shit is too legit to quit.
I go merrily along my way after that whole traumatic incident in the black room with black dudes and I meet these chickie-doos in Spain but some reason these babes ain't givin'. I almost smacked one for laughing when I asked her to meet for for chips and a blow job in my room. Well, she's gotta give somethin' if she even wants to be breathin' the same air as me, ya know?
These babes I met....so smokin' hot but damn if they ain't hard up. They all had these big studly Spaniards walkin' behind 'em like bodyguards. I couldn't get down their pants to taste those tapas if my life depending on it. I kept tellin' em I was Pierce Brosnan, usually works in Poland but they laughed at me in Spain. Guess that's why there ain't no "How do Spaniards make Kool Aid? They pour water in the packet" jokes.
So everynight was spent alone and jerking off, as usual. No cat to keep that other pillow warm. No pussy to hold in my arms, no cat breath in my face or near my loins.
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