Yo, I thought I'd get jiggy and write some today. Give me a big' ol' holler! My summer has been swelterin' and rockin' but before I dive into tellin' you 'bout my 'ventures, let's put on our poker faces and get real serious first.
Do you know there's a word for self hate? It's called misogynistic. In my dreams I'm Tucker Max who just landed a $400,000 book deal. When I'm not Vin Diesel, that is, or my other hero, K-Fed. (Man, I'd love to be spearing that Britney). Or I'd take Kevin, he can get my rocks off anytime. Hey, if that's what it takes to get to the prize. I mean, she is a prize, right? Well, I think so. Even though she's talentless, (I can relate), she's made some serious dough and if she ever runs out, I can sell her bling or sell her ass like bling. There's nothing wrong with sucking some dude's cock to get to their partner's steamin', hot tang. I'm not big into pastries but I like a cream puff on occasion.
So back to me, myself, and I. That's be K-Fed, Tucker and Vin. It's so much better bein' some else, have you seen what I look like? I'm a hairy beast. I'm one of those dudes that's too rude to even consider a wax. Why should I shave my hair nuts? First, they're very little but real doughy like undercooked matzo balls. And then, the chick is there to serve me, ass, tongue and pussy. Hers, that is. Unless she wants to lick my ass which would be a nice change because it gets tiring for me to do so much ass kissing at work. And sometimes, licking for real.
I really hate myself, and I hate women for hating me because I'm a dick. I can't help it. My father beat my mother and wrung her ass out cuz she pumped out me, then a few more, and he wasn't satisfied til he stretched her twat like Playdough in a medieval chamber. While she was pregnant with me, she drank a shitload of booze, which is the explanation for my lack of penis. My dick is so small that you'd have a better chance of finding a needle in a haystack. Japanese condoms fall off. Saran Wrap? Forget it? Ok, I confess, really, I don't use condoms. I prefer to bareback all that sweet, hot GW pussy.
My trick to getting pussy? First, I go to my buddy's house and, once we pick up at it (get my drift?), he gives me free date rape drugs. I then go back out and buy some unsuspecting eighteen year old a drink.
Once I drug her, I bring her back to my place at - wait oh wait oh wait oh wait - oh no he didn't, oh no, yo yo yo mother fuckers! Sniff, I just can't believe it. NEWSBREAK, EVERYONE, NEWSBREAK!
What the hell is this?
http://dceiver.blogspot.com/2005/05/you-call-that-hammer.html
They callin' me a wimp? They be callin' me a fag? They be callin' me too little for big words? My vocab is to die for, you swine dc-eiver bitches, I can dish out dollops of vocabu-palooza. How's that? Huh? How's that one FOR YOU, SWINE? I bet you full time fairies never even saw that COMING!
Let me put these mofo wannabee ruffnicks in their place before I tell you my secret to power prowess dating. Let me stomp on this swine and kick it back out to play in the mud, I'm gonna stomp their asses like grape to wine, like swine to pork, like a gay man in a bathhouse pre 1981. Ok, shit, I'd take it post '81. That's right, my holier than thou sword shall slice through these hereby cotton pickin' vermins.
Sing along with me first. We need a little prayer because that one percent of me that's non Vulcan is a bit scared. You're even gonna be impressed that I got the lyrics mem-o-rized!
Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya,
Kumbaya, My Lord, Kumbaya,
Kumbaya, My Lord, Kumbaya,
Oh, Lord, Kumbaya.
It took me a long time to not mix up that last line with the first three. Anyhoo, how DARE these dc-eivers, and btw, who they think they be deceivin' in the first place? You know what those WANNABEE gnats called this wannabee playa nog?
""To be honest, with all the free time this little gnatish refugee from a Tag Body Spray Commercial has on his hands, I was honestly intrigued at what he might put forward."
Who they think they are even talkin' that shit? Can they walk the walk? Mofos don't realize, my shit sells, and it don't stink, either. My Tag Body Sprays have done well, I got little boys following me around like future priests to a choir boy, ok? You know what I mean? Have these mofos even TRIED TAG? I think not! Otherwise, they wouldn't be talkin' shit about it, those mofos be wearing that other body spray and that shit sucks, it couldn't get me noticed, those three dollars were my draft beer dollah pussy moneys, yo, that's right. One dollah to buy the beer for the chick to lace it with some date rape drugs and two dollahs to buy some peanut snacks.
Yo, yo, dumb smacks, I got game. Why else I got so many hits on my site? I *GOT GAME*. It's so obvious that everyone is jealous of my slicked back 'do, my thriving tee shirt company (I've had that idea since twelve and it finally came to fruition - PTL!), and my GAME. My essays on chicks are GROUND RIVETING. They move the earth faster than my bowels on a post Superbowl morning. I GOT GAME. How many times do I's got to reiterate that I am the M A N. Women wanna be me, and men wanna be with me.
Dceiver, go fock yerselves, you vermin' swine, ok? We ALL KNOW that I be the man. I be gettin' double helpings of tang at the buffet, I don't care if they be servin' defrosted food, I be gettin' it. Double helpings of that.
